Who doesn’t love a good tattoo? I’ve always had a creative mind and no problems inventing new ideas for drawings and tattoos. Better to not trust my drawings when it comes to permanently putting art on my skin though, especially now with my paralyzed hands. I’ve always seen my body as a blank canvas and loved the idea of expressing my thoughts and experiences through art. All of my ink has important self meaning and I am in no way close to being finished but I wanted to describe my experiences getting tattoos pre and post injury in case someone who is paralyzed and on the fence with getting one... or many.  First things first, if you like any of my ink, please don’t copy it. If you like any of the ideas or concepts then run with that and make them personal to you. I just really love the work and passion that has been put into my tattoos and would hate to know that someone is running around with the same custom ink without understanding the meaning. I want to start by giving shoutou...

Summer is finally here. The pollen has settled. The rain has chilled out (kinda). The sun is out in full swing. Days floating around at the lake or sun bathing at the beach have returned. Social media is once again full of outdoor fun and smiles. But this is a tough season for me. Each season brings its difficulties. Each season has its highs and lows. The fall is an okay time for me. It’s a comfortable temperature at first but there isn’t much going on. The winter is tough strictly because of accessibility issues. It’s hard to get to places in the snow and I can’t get through yards to visit people. I am always chilled to the bone and then I settle in for the winter like a bear, only leaving my den and heated blanket once the snow and ice thaws. Then comes the spring. Pretty much the bane of my existence. Am I comfortable in a hoodie? T-shirt weather today? Cold mornings, hot afternoons and cold evenings make for some wardrobe confusions. No biggie, but pollen... oh yes, the pollen. On...

Last Friday I had the opportunity and honor to speak with a small group of men and women living at the local assisted living in town. I am a firm believer that we should pick the brains of our community of elders from past generations. We have a lot to learn from them. It felt odd to be telling my story and speaking about my experiences to a group that has had so much more life lived than I have. I felt the same way when I spoke to the local police department because I had grown up idolizing them and I got to sit there and explain what it felt like to get shot. It’s just an odd and humbling feeling to have an experience that not many people have had.  Alright, let me backtrack here. When Kass and I first started dating long distance, she was volunteering once a week at the assisted living. She would go in with the activities director, Carolyn and Kass would play Boggle with everyone. I remember telling Kass that my family loves Boggle and that I would have to tag along next time ...

I’ll start this Monday’s post with a quote: “you are the company that you keep.” If this saying rings true, then Kass and I must be pretty damn cool. If you have been on Facebook or Instagram at all this last week then you’ve probably seen some sweet pictures of Kass and I’s getaway to Maine. We applied for a veterans retreat through the Travis Mills Foundation months and months ago and it was easily the best decision that I’ve made since becoming injured. I don’t intend on going into crazy detail regarding Staff Sergeant Travis Mills simply because of the fact that it isn’t my story to tell. What I can say is that the essence of self pride and motivation that this man gives off is extremely infectious and profound and what he does for the veteran and disabled community is unreal. SSG Mills was a Squad Leader with the 82nd Airborne in Afghanistan and was hit by an IED leaving him one of five surviving quadruple amputees. His story of perseverance and drive is extremely humbling and ...

I have said it before and I will say it again, complacency is bad. It can ruin relationships and can reap havoc on your mental health. I find myself working my way out of bad habits constantly. Being cooped up inside on beautiful days. Eating poor choices in food and skipping workouts. But my worst bad habit that I adopted post-injury was saying no. “Do you want to meet us for dinner?”. “Want to go to the movies?” “Want to go out back and relax with me and the dog?”. No, no, no.  I had become so self conscious and anxious about my injury. I dreaded things that I used to love simply because I couldn’t do them right or had to try them differently. I was afraid that something would medically happen to me while I was out in the public and I would be embarrassed because of it. As much as I preached about taking pride in my situation and owning this injury, I still cared about what people thought. I would get embarrassed if my chair made a noise in church or if I had to recline my wheelc...

https://www.leadthewayfund.org/honor-our-fallen/ SGT Cameron Meddock showed up to battalion at a weird time for me. I was injured and working on moving companies and I had seen a lot of new guys come and go. Cam was not one of those guys. Some people show up and you just know. Cam was such a nice and genuine dude. We could sit around and shoot the shit and goof off about all things Texas with my best buddy Jason L. Upton and then watch Cam’s demeanor completely shift at the range. Put a weapon in his hands and tell him to perform and perform he did. Cam excelled in all things Ranger and it was humbling to witness before I left the company.  SGT Leandro Jasso was a great example of the grit that it takes to excel in Ranger Bn. We were privates together in 1D, and competition between squads was alive and well. I will always remember the wrestling match that we had right before pre-deployment leave and the subsequent shiner that I brought home with me from a swift boot to the face....

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but torment to themselves” - William Penn Torment is a pretty good way to describe feeling jealous. It’s a normal reaction... wanting something that is not yours. Normally it involves wealth, vehicles, simple pleasures... tangible items. What about body image? When I was a skinny little teenager all that I wanted was broad shoulders, a defined chest, abs and biceps. When I was a broke army private all that I wanted was better living conditions and more respect. When I was hauling ass on my motorcycle and maxing out my RPM’s on the highway all that I wanted was a bigger Harley Davidson with a sixth gear. When I became paralyzed all that I wanted was a working body. At first, everything made me jealous. The simplest things, just because I was now unable to do them. Someone opening a door by themselves. Someone opening a bottle of water. Someone using their hands for literally anything. The ease of someone getting in and out of a vehicle. Someone be...

There is currently a movement in the spinal cord injury community that is being spearheaded by members of the Christopher Reeve foundation called #seeus. It is a movement to promote disability awareness and body positivity for wheelchair users. To show the person and not the wheelchair or handicap. I love the message and the community of it. However, I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with this and here’s why. The reason that I am neutral is because whether or not I want my disability to define me, it always will. Self love is extremely important and embracing my reality is paramount in being proud of who I am. I have worked so hard to accept the fact that I am paralyzed and I think it is unfair to expect someone to ignore that. I will never expect someone to see the fit 25 year old in the chair and not wonder how or why. The only thing that I don’t want from anyone or anything is sympathy. Don’t treat me differently because, well, I’m not different. Someone pretending that I’m not ...

Life is truly a mystery. It has it’s ups and downs and highs and lows. Some believe it is predestined and some believe in karma. If you give good then you should get good back. All that I know for sure is that life can change in the blink of an eye. I went from walking, talking and breathing with my grand scheme of a simple life and an honest living to being unemployed while making a living from disability funds from my wheelchair. I went from crawling under my truck to change my oil and cranking on my Harley to keep that death-trap rolling to learning how to put on a splint and feed myself. In a fraction of a second, everything that I had done in 23 short years of living went up in smoke and with it went most of my ambitions. What do I do now? A quote comes to mind “Calm seas never made good sailors”.  I have experienced more in these two years since my injury than I have in my prior 23 years. My injury has opened up my mind in so many different ways. I won’t compare my injury to ...

5 Stages of Grief https://www.washington.edu/counseling/2020/06/08/the-stages-of-grief-accepting-the-unacceptable/ denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance  First I want to express that everyone grieves differently. The order for the stages of grief can be moved around depending on how that person grieves a loss. Going through any sort of loss whether it’s small or large shouldn’t matter. If you find yourself grieving then you should help work yourself through the stages of grief. Luckily for me I had a huge support system and incredible therapist who I still work with. She helped me navigate my stages of grief and live a normal life again after my injury. Writing out where I was at mentally in my process of grieving was extremely therapeutic for me and looking back at the technical stages of grief, it is easy to see which stage I was in at certain points of my hospital stay. For me,  I was grieving the loss of the my old self .   Denial - From the ...

Happy Friday everyone! I have to admit that the idea of doing a Fam Friday post intimidates the heck out of me. I avoid stirring up old emotions as much as I can because it can be a dangerous hole to fall into. That being said, after seeing how therapeutic this blog is for Joshua, I think I can handle one little post 😉   I’m assuming most readers are familiar with our story. Joshua and I crushed long distance for 2 years on opposite sides of the country. We made the most of every phone call, face time and text message. We lived for every visit we had, whether that was in NH with family or him spoiling me on adventures and nonstop dates in Washington. One month before he was supposed to come home to me, I got news that sent our lives into a bazillion different directions. The night of February 11, 2017 was the most horrifying, heart-wrenching, traumatizing night of my life. The time between finding out Josh was shot and in critical condition to actually landing at SEATAC the...