Summer Scaries

Summer is finally here. The pollen has settled. The rain has chilled out (kinda). The sun is out in full swing. Days floating around at the lake or sun bathing at the beach have returned. Social media is once again full of outdoor fun and smiles. But this is a tough season for me.

Each season brings its difficulties. Each season has its highs and lows. The fall is an okay time for me. It’s a comfortable temperature at first but there isn’t much going on. The winter is tough strictly because of accessibility issues. It’s hard to get to places in the snow and I can’t get through yards to visit people. I am always chilled to the bone and then I settle in for the winter like a bear, only leaving my den and heated blanket once the snow and ice thaws. Then comes the spring. Pretty much the bane of my existence. Am I comfortable in a hoodie? T-shirt weather today? Cold mornings, hot afternoons and cold evenings make for some wardrobe confusions. No biggie, but pollen... oh yes, the pollen. Once that cloud of yellow enters the frame, you can pretty much kiss my sense of smell and sight goodbye. Enter summer.

Summer has always been my favorite season. As a kid it meant time off from school, day trips to the beach, weeks spent at my best friends lake house. As a young, adventurous Army Ranger it meant exploring the beauty of Washington. Summer meant camping every weekend. It meant random barracks and house parties. Spontaneous trips to the beach and lake. Fishing, shooting, hiking, swimming, but most of all it meant riding season. Not that my motorcycle ever really had a specific season, I rode my bike into the ground no matter what the season. Outdoor activities at their peak. Me in my element. 

Last month I returned from the Travis Mills Foundation with this euphoric high. I felt like I could do anything. That accessibility has a defined workaround and that I would be crushing this summer. I still feel good about the summer. I look back to two years ago spending my summer lying in a hospital waiting to get out of there. It was brutal seeing everyone I knew having fun on social media while I laid there and wasted my summer away recovering. Last year I had just moved into my house and had my first real summer away from the hospital. I loved the weather but my body was still figuring out its new normal. I was bundled up despite the sun. Still somehow always cold when the weather was in the 80s in the 90s. I wasn’t sure what limitations my wheelchair had as far as getting into the grass and out of reach areas. I was having some pretty significant infections and I just wasn’t my normal happy self. That is when I started this blog. Writing down my thoughts has really helped, but I was still lacking something. 

I never wanted anyone to avoid doing something because I couldn’t do it now. I remember that my dad and brother asked me if they could still ride their motorcycles. I thought that was the most bizarre thing. They felt so guilty that one of my passions had been taken from me that they were unsure if they should do it. It was tough adjusting to seeing them ride off with the motorcycle club knowing that I wasn’t going to be able to do it. Just as it is tough now when people use my pool and I sit there and watch them swim. It is rough when I see friends out on a boat or at a lake house knowing that I would not be able to come simply for the fact that my wheelchair can’t get me there. Just as I am sure it is rough on him. I know that my friends and family would do anything to have me with them.

It sucks knowing that adjusting to this and making it work is just going to take time. I know that it is possible. It will be possible for me to follow the motorcycle club in a truck or a car or a van. In something that I will eventually be able to drive. If the VA ever stops dragging its feet, I will have a light weight manual wheelchair and then I will be able to have friends get me into a lake house or on a boat. Each year I think back to the season from the last year. I have made such huge strides and my seasons and life in general have improved exponentially. I am hitting goals and trying new things at every opportunity. I’m doing things this year that I never thought would have been possible last year and I know that that cycle will continue. The hardest part of this injury is that it just takes time. It takes time to get equipment. It takes time to figure out limitations. It takes time to learn how to crush those limitations. It just takes time.

I try to be optimistic and look at the glass half full with the circumstances that I have been dealt. Everyone has their rough days. Yesterday, I was pretty down in the dumps because I was unable to get into my swimming pool after installing a lift that should be able to get me in. I was the closest that I had been in 2 and a half years to entering the water and just like that... it was gone. I sulked for a few hours after. I needed it. Just some time to be angry. I earned that much right? This morning I woke up with a whole new attitude. I am leaving for my tattoo appointment in a few hours. I never imagined I would be able to finish my tattoos after I was shot. See? Glass half full again. Who knows how my life will be next summer. I just have to keep pushing my limits. With the friends and family that I have I know that there’s no where to go but up. 

Everyone should enjoy their summer. Just, for my sake, don’t take for granted the things that you are able to do. Hopefully I’ll be seeing you at the beach or at a campsite in the near future!

God Bless!