It takes seven years for the human body to replace every cell that it has (with some exceptions). Aside from the tattoo ink that was punched underneath my skin and the memories that were planted in my brain, I am an entirely new human. Every single cell that makes up this paralyzed body of mine has known just that… paralysis. Gone are the cells that made up healthy 23 year old Josh, and good riddance. It takes a resilience to maintain a paralyzed body and those cells were not ready for what was to come; so the body did its thing… it adapted. Whether I wanted it to or not, my body adapted.  Year 6 was tough, I’m not going to lie to you. I navigated secondary conditions from this spinal cord injury for as long as I could but the pain started to dull my quality of life and I was tired. Tired of pain and insecurity. Tired of brave faces when all I wanted to do was cry. It was time for a change. I met with an incredible surgeon and we discussed options to treat my neurogenic bowel. Ugh...

 6 years… 2,190 days since I walked past the wrong end of a .45 hollow point.  Six years of some of my highest highs and certainly some of my lowest lows. Days, weeks, months and years slowly starting to blur together. My wheelchair starting to become just another decision that I make each morning. Starting to become an extension of my body.  I can’t help but think back to the team meetings we’d have each Wednesday while I was in the hospital. My therapists going over my care plan with my doctor while I reclined my power chair because my blood pressure was crashing. Hearing them say the word “years” stung a part of my soul. “How is this my reality?” I thought while feeling the blood circulate back to my head. I look over to my mom who attended most of these meetings with me. She sat there so thankful that her son was alive. Me… not so much. Here I sit in 2023. The culmination of 6 years of struggles and suffering. Enough “daily grind” to break most people. Yet, somehow we...

Sheesh, half a decade! Honestly the winter months become sort of a fog for me. I love the holidays and the family time but there’s always that lingering fog. Three of my Army friends were killed throughout these months; one on November, one in December, and another one in January. That brings us to February… the month that my life changed forever. My friends would be so disappointed if I let their deaths cloud any aspect of my life but sometimes it’s hard. Part of why I push myself so hard in my wheelchair is because I know that they would, given the chance.  As I add more and more time under my belt, it gets harder to remember the initial concerns and struggles that I had immediately after becoming paralyzed. Even more so with any “struggles” that I had before my spinal cord injury. I suppose that’s only natural with time but rereading old blog posts and reflecting on life usually snaps me back. I shouldn’t be here… my life in general is an anomaly. It is a miracle, sure; but it i...

The dreaded date has once again arrived. February11th. Technically it’s tomorrow. Will it ever becomes just another day? That’s certainly been the goal. But I don’t know if that’s ever going to be possible. It will always be the day that I died. Do I hate it or celebrate it as the day that I persevered above death? I got my chance to look that bitch in the face and tell it to piss off. Maybe I should just ignore it? After all, 3 years is a long time. My scars are fading and my life is improving almost daily. There’s true beauty in the struggle and I’ve been grinding daily since February 11th, 2017. I guess that only time will tell... but it certainly feels like a fog is in the air every year around this day.  However, all of this isn’t even my point for this blog post. Today, I want to focus on how quickly life can change and how delicate it actually is.  February 10th, 2017. Just another Friday. I woke up to my alarm on my $10 Walmart watch. It was 4:45 am so I hit snooze. Th...

2 years.  2 years ago my definition of grit and resiliency changed forever. 2 years ago my understanding on life changed forever.  February 11th. Do I loathe it? Do I celebrate it? This experience has been chaotic yet blissful. It has been anguishing yet reassuring. It has been unbelievably frustrating and unbelievably triumphing. It has been burdensome and freeing. So the answer is, well... more of a non-answer. I hate what I have had to endure, but I celebrate what I have become.  Mike Tyson said it best. “Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face.” Well, the same can be said for getting shot through the throat (although I would much prefer a black eye or a broken nose). My whole world was turned upside down on February 11th, 2017. Joshua Keller died that evening. Literally and figuratively. My heart stopped twice and every moment since dying has been me maintaining aspects from the old me and me redefining my new life. Redefining a life which unfortunatel...