2 Years & Going Strong

2 years. 

2 years ago my definition of grit and resiliency changed forever. 2 years ago my understanding on life changed forever.

 February 11th.

Do I loathe it? Do I celebrate it? This experience has been chaotic yet blissful. It has been anguishing yet reassuring. It has been unbelievably frustrating and unbelievably triumphing. It has been burdensome and freeing. So the answer is, well... more of a non-answer. I hate what I have had to endure, but I celebrate what I have become. 

Mike Tyson said it best. “Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face.” Well, the same can be said for getting shot through the throat (although I would much prefer a black eye or a broken nose). My whole world was turned upside down on February 11th, 2017. Joshua Keller died that evening. Literally and figuratively. My heart stopped twice and every moment since dying has been me maintaining aspects from the old me and me redefining my new life. Redefining a life which unfortunately includes a wheelchair and all of the complications that come with paralysis. But guess what I get to redefine?.... Life. On February 11th, 2017 I died and on February 11th, 2017 I was reborn. I received a second chance at life. I have spent every moment since then trying to understand the why. Why do I get a second chance when so many other men and women did not? THAT is why I refuse to waste this. 

So what should I celebrate? Do I celebrate everything that I have had to endure to get to where I am? Absolutely. On February 11th, 2017 I was in a coma with a machine doing my breathing and a tube doing my feeding. I had pneumonia multiple times and as my body adjusted to the neurological trauma, I had 104 degree fevers every night. I had chills that constantly rocked me to my core. I lost so much weight from atrophying muscles and I was constantly sick. Infections riddled my immune system. I was a shell of the old me and the hardest part of everyday became waking up and finding the strength to suffer through it all over again. The daily trials got more manageable and with overwhelming help, my body began to settle. I began redefining my life and pushing on. Sadly, this self-description is pretty modest. I was extremely mangled but if you were to see me now, you would have no idea. Just another dude in a wheelchair. The gap between 2017 and 2019 has been unreal. 

***

Spinal cord injury awareness is one thing that I hope that I have brought to you all. It is unfortunately something that often gets overlooked unless you have dealt with it personally. Well I hope that the intimacy of my posts has made it personal enough for you. There is SO much to this type of injury and my journey navigating it has been a trial in itself. Here is a bit of that journey.

This photo was taken just about a month before I was shot (I’m on the left).

***

On February 11th, 2017 an old friend of mine made a choice. He picked up his 1911 handgun and shaped mine and so many others lives forever. In playing with his firearm, he sent a hollow point .45 round into my healthy 23 year old spine. Guns are not toys. Remember that, please. 

***

Now for a quick lesson in ballistics. This is what a hollow point round does inside a body. It opens up like a flower to tear and cause more damage. What’s ironic is that this kind of bullet is partly why I am still alive today. When it hit my spine and opened up, the round was heavy and traveling slowly enough where it didn’t exit the back of my neck (called a through and through). If it had then it would have caused much more uncontrollable bleeding. Instead my body slowly pushed the bullet out near my right shoulder/base of the neck over the course of a month. It made for some uncomfortable rest and now I’ll never be able to get an MRI or get through a metal detector.

***

This was my first time being conscious with my girlfriend Kass. All that I could do was stare into her beautiful eyes.

***

I’m not exactly sure when this was taken but I am smiling so it must be at least 3 weeks in. I still have my breathing tube where the trach was put in.

***

Finally stable enough for a cuddle session. I will always remember the cuddle comfort from this night. It calmed my soul to be able to hold this woman.

***

Like I said, cuddle comfort. My trach is finally out and I am talking again! Plus the bullet was removed. This photo was right around 2 and half months in. It was also my first time ever growing a beard. 😬

***

This photo was of a visit from my Army leadership. The Warrior Transition Battalion had my back as soon as I entered into their unit. This was probably about 5 months in. At this point I had been adjusting to therapy and my blood pressure had somewhat stabilized (just another hidden complication with paralysis).

***

Here I am on bed rest. My home stretch. I spent 3 months in this bed recovering from a surgery. I was in bed for Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday in January and my 1 year anniversary of my injury. 

***

I watched the hospital calendar creep closer and closer to February 11th reflecting on everything that had occurred. Here I am doing it again at 2 years. Last year Kass and I decided to treat it as any other day. I was in a funk the whole day and Kass tried her best to let me know how much I am loved and supported. Believe me, I already understand how blessed I am! The truth is that today isn’t any other day. It will always be the day that I my life changed forever. But that doesn’t mean that it has to be a bad day. I have grown so much from my injury. I have a profound respect for the little things in life and an absurd understanding of the human body. Most of all, I got to witness first hand how willing people are to love and help. My family, Kass and Kass’s entire family, the community in town, complete strangers across the globe. Hell, you are all still supporting and rallying with me. That has been a huge blessing from all of this. 

Hitting on every specific blessing from the last two years would be impossible. The same goes for every set back. All that I know is that I have this second chance at life, a massive support system, and a burning drive to push towards forward progress.

2 years 

***

I look back at these last few years and think about where I’ll be next year and the year after that. With God, love, and support, the possibilities are endless. 

February 11th. What a day.

God Bless.