Alive-versary Year 7

It takes seven years for the human body to replace every cell that it has (with some exceptions). Aside from the tattoo ink that was punched underneath my skin and the memories that were planted in my brain, I am an entirely new human. Every single cell that makes up this paralyzed body of mine has known just that… paralysis. Gone are the cells that made up healthy 23 year old Josh, and good riddance. It takes a resilience to maintain a paralyzed body and those cells were not ready for what was to come; so the body did its thing… it adapted. Whether I wanted it to or not, my body adapted. 

Year 6 was tough, I’m not going to lie to you. I navigated secondary conditions from this spinal cord injury for as long as I could but the pain started to dull my quality of life and I was tired. Tired of pain and insecurity. Tired of brave faces when all I wanted to do was cry. It was time for a change. I met with an incredible surgeon and we discussed options to treat my neurogenic bowel. Ugh… surgery… the first victory that paralysis had over me in six years. I worked through this concept in depth with my therapist. Why do I see this as a battle, with victories and defeats? We reframed this surgery as a declaration of me doing what was right for ME. Reclaiming my independence from the shit-storm (literal and figurative) that is paralysis. 

On top of the exhausting grind, I watched as my birthday inevitably encroached on the calendar. I can’t believe that I’m 30. Not just 30 but 30 and disabled. I’ve truthfully never been great at celebrating myself but I’m fortunate to have a wife that goes absolutely bananas for birthdays and friends and family that love me. I had an incredible January and am so thankful for the life that I have. 

2023 brought me a lot of powerful reminders that I’m following the path that was laid for me. I see my purpose so clearly as I dive deeper and deeper into philanthropy and volunteering. As I embrace my role in the disability community, my purpose in life grows. But like every year before, there were many reminders about the fickleness of life. I try reflect on how I’m living and often wonder about how differently it would be if I never sustained this spinal cord injury. Would I be the same man that I am as I type this it today? Would I be a good man? Would I have the capacity to see the blessings around me? Would I know to reflect on my life’s purpose? I’ll never truly know the answer to these questions because… well, that’s life. You just keep on living and learning and I’m really doing my best to do just that. I’m pretty sure that I’m doing a good job. I am just so damn grateful that I was given this second chance 7 years ago. God is good.