Comfort Zones
I had become so self conscious and anxious about my injury. I dreaded things that I used to love simply because I couldn’t do them right or had to try them differently. I was afraid that something would medically happen to me while I was out in the public and I would be embarrassed because of it. As much as I preached about taking pride in my situation and owning this injury, I still cared about what people thought. I would get embarrassed if my chair made a noise in church or if I had to recline my wheelchair in public to increase my blood pressure or if my foot kicked into an awkward position and can’t fix it. Most of all, I was afraid of going somewhere and not being able to get in. Meeting at a restaurant and not being able to fit under a table. Going somewhere and getting snagged on a threshold. I dreaded when anyone had to change something to meet my new found needs. Even if it was the simplest adaptation. I would have rather suffered by myself than receive help or draw any attention to myself.
Over time I have learned that I am in no way in this alone. That I will always have help available. I just need to stop being so stubborn and accept it. People want me involved in life and I need to swallow my pride and quit being stingy. Not everything goes as planned, wheelchair-bound or able-bodied. That’s just life. Rolling with the punches is a very effective lifestyle to learn and oh boy have I learned it. I have definitely developed a ‘screw-it, let’s give it a shot” attitude. That doesn’t mean that I don’t fall into the complacency trap every once in a while though.
I have a beautiful, fully adapted home in an awesome neighborhood with the woman of my dreams and an insanely loving puppy. Why would I want to leave it? Good Lord... I’ve become a homebody. It’s okay to have time at home relaxing but I realized that I had been using my injury as an excuse to stay in. Life just wizzing by and me dishing out “no’s” and “sorry, I cant’s”. It got really bad this last winter and that’s when I made a conscientious decision that I needed to cut the shit. That I wasn’t just holding myself back from experiencing life. I had also snatched those life experiences from Kass. She was missing out on nights on the town or time visiting family and friends. Missing out on dates and small vacations. Missing out on the fun little memories that I look back on that she never got to experience because she stayed in the hospital with me and now because I’m being an insecure little bitch. My “no’s” were becoming her “no’s”.
This year has been a roller coaster of growth and learning. I have seen a huge stride in my own happiness and with that, a huge buff in my self worth. I don’t care about the little things as much anymore. I have been working on steppng out of my sense of security. Trying new things post injury. Treating my girlfriend, friends and family to, well... life. Or I should say to a life with me in it.
Right when I’m about to say no to something I ask myself why? Why was ‘no’ even my first thought? Why was it my go-to response? Because my comfort zone is next to my couch in front of my TV at home? Screw that... I am proud of the strides that I have made in this field. It has done nothing but benefit me and my loved ones. My advice this Monday is to stop letting a situation dictate your life experiences. The world could use some more “yes’s”.
God Bless.
Comments
Post a Comment