Flag Day

 “Oh damn, that’s the Battalion Commander… come on, give him a salute… wait, why can’t I lift my arm?…” 

When I first started finding consciousness in the hospital, I was overwhelmed and confused. I had to be told what had happened to me multiple times, and I still wasn’t good at comprehending it. One of the first times I realized how paralyzed I had become was when my Battalion Commander, then Lieutenant Colonel Meissel visited me in the hospital while our battalion was at a training event in Yakima, WA. I vividly remember trying to salute him as he pinned the Army Commendation Medal to my medical Jonny (that open-backed hospital garment). It was so difficult being celebrated and retired from this unit. I felt like I did not deserve the award, all I did was survive. I tried to lift my paralyzed arm and it felt like I had a truck parked on it. All I could do was twitch my deltoids. All I wanted was that one last salute to my commander. 


That’s when it hit me. My days of being able to salute the flag with a crisp right hand were behind me. This feeling still haunts me six years later. I never got that official goodbye from “Old Glory”. I felt robbed of an official retirement. I had served honorably and faithfully, and all I wanted was to experience one last raising and lowering of the flag. One last bugle call playing “Reveille” in the morning and “Retreat” at the end of work call formation. Formations that seemed so monotonous at the time… God, I longed for it while laying in that hospital bed… 

My hands have adjusted to paralysis. My fingers curl and my wrists have atrophied. I have had the honor of attending events and experienced the Posting of the Colors. As the Color Guard approached, I placed my limp wrist over my heart and rotated my wheelchair as they marched by. I was able to look around and see the Veterans and military personnel in their uniforms snap to attention and proudly salute the flag. My wife reaching down to squeeze my arm, perfectly understanding my emotions. It was almost enough to bring me to tears as I thought about my longing for this ability. Just one last salute. 






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