Looking Sharp

Well I just had the best week of my life! A week full of love, faith and commitment. I got to marry the love of my life and what an experience it was! However, I will do a separate, more in depth post about the burning love that I have for my WIFE! This post will be about something different.

A huge insecurity that I had going up to the wedding was based around something stupid. You probably notice that I rarely wear a suit or dress clothes. More than often you will find me in sweatpants and a hoodie or a baggy comfortable shirt. Adaptive jeans have been a great find & truthfully, even jeans are dressy for me now. Body dysmorphia is huge. Leading up to the wedding I was getting very anxious about how I was going to look in my suit. Sitting is a hard look to rock. I had a few different meetings set up at Men’s Wearhouse to get the perfect look to match my beautiful bride, but it was a gut punch realizing how difficult it was to get dressed up now. Nostalgia came and went once the suit was sent in to get tailored but then when I picked it up, all of the nervousness came back. What if I didn’t look good? What if the clothing was too dangerous for my skin? What if something happened at the wedding that I couldn’t control?  Insecurity. Weird stuff for someone with so much confidence.

I used to love wearing fancy clothes. I didn’t have very many sets though because I lived on an army paycheck but getting dressed up was nice every once in a while! Recently I found a love in collecting watches and wearing jewelry. I’m new to it but I definitely find passion in it! I long for the days where throwing a watch on was an easy process or where I could stand and wear a suit jacket buttoned instead of opened. I dislike feeling like I need to wear a vest to cover the seatbelt of my wheelchair. Something that no one probably noticed to begin with but has bothered me. And now I started to question, why does this even bother me?

Denying myself the fact that I am a quadriplegic is silly. Feeling insecure that I needed to use my much more practical power wheelchair instead of my manual wheelchair for the wedding is silly. I am paralyzed and I am a quadriplegic. It shouldn’t matter what prosthetic I use to get through the day of the wedding. It shouldn’t matter that my vest rides up because I have a quad belly or that my suit jacket gets a little twisted from my posture. What matters is the fact that I got to experience the Sacrament of Matrimony with my wife & have an incredible ceremony and reception with my loved ones and friends.

My groomsmen, some of my closest friends and family got together before the wedding to get dressed in our suits. Such a simple gathering with such profound undertows. My brothers and best friends helped me get my suit on. My friends helped me set the time on my dress watch. They helped me gel my hair and put on cologne. They folded my pocket square and pinned on my boutonniere. They tied my tie for me and throughout the day, adjusted my vest. Later on, they helped me switch into a polo shirt. My boys got me right and ready for the day. These guys were my hands for the day. With friends like these in my support system, anything is possible.