Life in Increments

The number 4 is such a lame number. Does this number have any meaning to you? As a teenager it represented the number of years I counted up to while in high school. As a soldier it represented my annual countdown on my Army contract. Now it represents my entire existence.

I remember it like it was yesterday. The urology doctor leaning over my bed writing something on the patient whiteboard right behind my head. I couldn’t turn my head to see what he was writing. It wasn’t until I got up into my loaner wheelchair the next morning that I could read my updated information. “Bladder management: intermittent catheterization Q-4”. I asked my nurse what the Q4 meant. She told me that it means every 4 hours. Sweet, I have to pee on a schedule.

Paralyzed organs suck! My bladder is resilient though and to be honest, I’m pretty proud of that stretchy little guy. Part of my care is maintaining my bladder. I’m at a point now where I can tell when Mother Nature is calling but that wasn’t always the case. Peeing on a schedule is incredibly important to prevent my bladder from over filling and damaging my kidneys. The only problem with that is, I need help peeing…

That was a tough pill to swallow. Honestly, at this point it’s just become part of my existence. What started out as whispers or secret glances to let Kass know that I needed help has now become “hey there, I gotta pee” wherever we are. The hardest part about needing this scheduled help is exactly that; the schedule. 

Four hours. Four hour increments since I woke up on February 12th, 2017. Four hours over night to help turn me to relieve pressure. That being said, we do have some flexibility with my schedule. My bladder management depends on the time of day, what I’ve been drinking and how much I’ve been drinking. My sleep schedule depends on how much relief I need on my backside, what time I get into bed & what time I plan on getting up in the morning. Regardless, I’m still living life in increments. 

It’s all just part of the gig. There is a lot of unseen struggles that come with paralysis. I hope that one day the number 4 will have zero meaning to me. Just a lame number again. Now excuse me, I have to pee…

God Bless!

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