My WAG of SCI

On February 11th, 2017 Kass got an open invite into the club that no one ever wants to join. She didn’t know it, but she became a WAG of SCI (Wives and Girlfriends of Spinal Cord Injury) the second that .45 hollow point met that bony son-of-a-bitch known as my spine. 

I’ve already talked in length about my recovery in the hospital so I won’t hit on everything that Kass and I went through while I was in-patient. What I will talk about is how much we learned and grew during that time. It was extremely trying, especially on Kass who now faced the prospect of redefining her life to help me with mine. What Kass found while in the hospital was a community of extremely helpful, loving and quite frankly, bad-ass women to help her grieve, learn and grow.

The importance of a community formed to educate & empower others who have been sucked into a situation as overwhelming as SCI is unrivaled. When Kass & I meet others facing the task of navigating an inter-abled relationship, the first things that we tell them is to get involved with this group (WAGS of SCI). Forming relationships with this community of like-minded women was so helpful for Kass and the advice that most of these women give has made such a big impact on both of us. It made our grim new reality that much more bearable and showed us a world of thriving inter-abled relationships.

One of the biggest decisions that Kass and I faced in the hospital was the question of caregiving. I could either have Kass be trained by the doctors and nurses to take over my care or have a third-party come in that I would pay to take care of me (a home nurse). There is a lot that goes into my caregiving that I don’t mention because of my own privacy concerns but the caregiving is fairly intrusive. I had to suck it up in the hospital for obvious reasons but this decision would be huge. How much should I let Kass do? Ultimately we decided to have Kass trained up because we didn’t want to have to rely on a third-party. Having someone coming in and out of the house throughout the day and night seemed like it would only be detrimental to what a normal relationship would look like. With Kass knowing how to take care of me it gave us the chance to travel as a couple and plan getaways and not have to rely on anyone else. This route seemed to heavily outweigh the latter. 

Time to give credit where credit is due. Kass has handled all of these caregiving responsibilities with grace and love and with respect to me and my body and she deserves some recognition. She embraced her new caregiving role before she or I even knew what it would entail. She never batted an eye when it involve me and what I would physically need. A lot of what she does is some pretty intricate care that a lot of workers in the field of healthcare wouldn’t initially know how to do. She sacrifices hours of sleep and time that she can take for herself. She had to overhaul her career path and her life and has missed out on what most people would consider a normal way to live out their early 20’s. Can you imagine having to take on the responsibility of someone else’s life? It may sound dramatic but this is exactly what Kass has faced. And she is doing a damn good job.

We were warned that combining work and romance can sometimes blur lines. It’s certainly not always easy but I think that, if anything, this has brought us closer. Kass took on this role while becoming the driver of the family, the cleaner of the household, the dog-mom and the primary chef. I will tell you that I’ve never missed a moment of care, a trip to an appointment or therapy session or a single meal. Our house is kept spotless (even above Army standards) and our puppy (now pups) is loved unconditionally (as well as me). 

Kassidy Jean, you certainly are a rare breed and an absolute force to be reckoned with. The love and respect that you give me and our relationship is the reason that I have made the strides that I have been able to make. Your sacrifices and willingness to help me while pushing yourself has brought us to today. Just know that there are no words that I can ever form to express how grateful that I am to have you and that without you, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I love you forever. Thank you for tackling this life with me! 

I want to close this with a big shout out to all of the women in the WAGS of spinal cord injury community! I think that I can speak for everyone on the other side of these inter-able relationships when I say that your strength and love helps make us who we are and we are damn lucky to have you.

God Bless!