Life Keeps Rolling

How often do you just stop and take life in? It can get pretty crazy. People passing people. Work, school, gym, family. Chaos. I fell into the cycle and I still find myself stuck there sometimes. It wasn’t until my life got to it’s craziest that I realized the importance of taking everything in. It wasn’t until I lost the use of my hands that I realized how much we use them. It wasn’t until I lost the strength in my diagram that I realized how incredible a deep, chest expanding, lung opening breath felt after going on a long run. It wasn’t until I lost strength in my vocal cords that I realized how fulfilling it felt to nail a high note in my truck while blasting my music driving to work. The ability to jump right out of bed and start my day. The feeling of grass on my bare feet or sand between my toes. The simplicity of dropping a gear and ripping through a turn on my motorcycle. What it feels like to have nice hot shower water hit your whole body. The need to not have to worry about ...

Hello  everyone!  I am Josh's mom, Maria and I  will be sharing my perspective on how Josh's injury has affected my life.  I have to admit, it seems a bit strange to  be talking about it.  So much of what I've endured over the last two years seems  insignificant  in comparison to what Josh has been handed.   My hope is that by sharing my story, other mothers  going through this  will  be  validated  in their feelings. February 11 th , 2017 started out as any other day.  It was a Saturday, so I got to sleep in and spend a leisurely day with my husband ,  Matt. We met up with our friends, Spyros and Angela,  for dinner at our favorite restaurant. It was just after we ordered dinner that Matt got  the phone call that no parent ever wants to get.  “Josh was shot" are the only words I remember. How I got from the restaurant to my home is a blur.  It was the beginning of my journey. Those early...

This Friday (February 22) I will be sharing my mom‘s point of view on my injury. It is only fitting that I post about how I am trying to reclaim my independence from paralysis. This is no easy feat but for the last few months my mom has been helping me adapt everyday equipment so I am capable of doing more on my own.  One of the hardest hurdles for me to get over was my loss of independence. Paralysis really robs you of a lot of the stuff you can do for yourself. Stuff that normally I would’ve taken for granted is now more time consuming and daunting. A lot of simple things take me a while now so it makes sense to receive help but it does get frustrating. I have very mixed emotions about it because some days I will be so determined to do something simple for myself and get mad at Kass for not helping if I struggle for too long, but other days Kass will help me without me asking and I’ll get mad that she didn’t let me struggle with it. It is a huge catch 22 and it is often very unfa...

2 years.  2 years ago my definition of grit and resiliency changed forever. 2 years ago my understanding on life changed forever.  February 11th. Do I loathe it? Do I celebrate it? This experience has been chaotic yet blissful. It has been anguishing yet reassuring. It has been unbelievably frustrating and unbelievably triumphing. It has been burdensome and freeing. So the answer is, well... more of a non-answer. I hate what I have had to endure, but I celebrate what I have become.  Mike Tyson said it best. “Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face.” Well, the same can be said for getting shot through the throat (although I would much prefer a black eye or a broken nose). My whole world was turned upside down on February 11th, 2017. Joshua Keller died that evening. Literally and figuratively. My heart stopped twice and every moment since dying has been me maintaining aspects from the old me and me redefining my new life. Redefining a life which unfortunatel...