Good Nerve and Bad Nerves


I’m sure that at some point in your life you have either been told “you’ve got some nerve” or said it to someone else. I have definitely been told the latter. Resiliency, stuborness, grit, nerve, call it what you want. But having nerve definitely saved my life.

I was always a stubborn little shit growing up. I will definitely admit to that. I hated being told no and especially being told that I couldn’t do something. I was always the one getting the last word in an argument with my brothers. I had a case of middle child syndrome despite being 3 minutes younger than my twin. Most of all, I sucked at taking constructive criticism. Dubbing me the prestigious title of “stubborn little shit”.

Being stubborn in the military served me well because I was always trying to help and rarely took no for an answer (unless it was an order from a higher rank). It helped me perform competitively, especially at my second unit because it was my final push before coming home from the Army. The jokes on me though, because instead I got to use my stubbornness to survive.

I don’t remember much about getting shot. It was traumatic enough that I passed out on the floor of my brother’s apartment instantly. What scares me thinking back to falling was that I had no control over my own outcome. That burden was ripped out my hands with the impact of that .45 caliber bullet and it fell into my brother’s hands. Zach got his chance to be stubborn...

My brother was stubborn enough to hold pressure on my throat to control the bleeding and had the wherewithal to notice I didn’t have a pulse in my extremities anymore. He was stubborn enough to perform CPR and chest compressions even though I had died, right there on his floor. His stubbornness brought life back into my body. Now it was my turn to fight.

I had to be stubborn to try and breathe on my own. I had to be resilient enough to try and move my limbs. I needed pure grit to fight off addiction to opiates and pain meds. Thank God that I’m a stubborn little shit right?

Being told that I am paralyzed is only going to make me fight harder, because that’s just how I am. This is the biggest “no” in my life so I’m going to do it anyway. Paralysis can go pound sand. 

Thanks for being part of my journey and as always,

God Bless. 


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