Life Keeps Rolling

  Time is such a strange concept. Just a unit of measurement while we spin around a giant flaming ball of gas. Sometimes I wish more than anything it would speed up and sometimes I wish more than anything that it would slow down. But somehow it keeps on flying. I will preface this post by saying how blessed & fortunate I have been with my family. I haven't been witness to much of it within the last few years but my grandpa is currently battling dementia. I haven't been able to expose myself to it to see him because I don't want to overwhelm him but it really makes me reminisce and think about life. I've been trying to dig up pictures of my grandpa and I together and I realized something... I only have one. I realized the same thing when I got out of the Army and it is sad as hell. If you document a bunch in the military, or take selfies and "cool guy pics" you almost get labeled, so like a lot of other guys, I never did it. I wish more than anything that I...

2017 - Sad, angry, bitter & exhausted... I rolled out of my hospital room & into the office of behavioral health at the VA. I had finally capitalized on the open invitation from my care team. I needed help.  I kept apologizing to her. “I wasn’t worth all of this investment”. “You’re a fucking Ranger, man up”. This was replaying in my mind while I reclined my wheelchair during my first session. We agreed on guided meditation... baby steps. I fell asleep in 30 seconds... my hour long session was over and she gently woke me up. I started sobbing. This was the best sleep I’d had in months. We continued to meet weekly in various areas of the hospital. My favorite was the Fisher House Foundation’s garden. I felt like a semi truck had been lifted off of my chest. I didn’t realize the weight I was carrying.  I never looked back... and with my mental strength came my physical strength. I started crushing physical therapy & kicked all of my pain meds.  I started to expe...